Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Groove

There is this place I go during a deployment. It's called "the groove". I can't speak for all military spouses, but for some of us the groove is our safe place. In the groove I avoid the evening news and daily newspapers. I avoid any mention of the war. I guess the groove is not really a place, it's a state of mind. The groove is the time in the middle, between the fresh pain of watching your soldier get on the plane and the overwhelming anxiety and excitement that make those last few weeks at the end creep by. The beginning is the worst part. Daily routine becomes a reminder that you are alone, at least for a while.For me, trying to go to sleep in an empty house is the hardest part. I lay there in the dark listening to all the strange noises the house makes and I miss my best friend. But after a week or so I get into the groove. It becomes a new routine. I make myself busy with whatever I can and the days begin to go by quicker and the pain dulls. It's a great blessing that this groove exists. It makes the months bearable.

However, every once in a while something happens that knocks me right out of my groove. Someone says something or I catch a glimpse of the news and the reality of my situation washes over me. I feel the pain I felt when I was driving away from the airfield as Brandon boarded that plane. I feel like the next few months will be endless. I know that if I were to talk to Brandon in that moment I would break the cardinal rule of the military spouse and ask him to come home. This happened today. I got word of the uprise in violence overseas. And my downward spiral began. Against my better judgement I started to Google. Tears filled my eyes and I felt the full weight of the deployment. (I should say I FEEL the full weight, as I'm not quite back in the groove yet.) Today I feel as if this deployment will never end. Which is crazy, because I've been through a much longer deployment. The last one was 15 months! It was a whole year before Brandon even came home on leave. This one is 6-8 months. That's nothing, right? Today, it feels like years. Today I'm out of the groove.

But God always provides. I got to talk to Brandon today and he sounded good. Safe and sound! I remember that God has provided our little family, and this country, with a strong soldier in Brandon. Brave, focused, and prepared. He believes in his job and is proud to serve this country. And once this deployment is over, he'll be ready to come home.

So today I'll think about the moment when Brandon will step off that plane. I'll remember the day 3 years ago when he came home from that long deployment. I have to say, aside from Elijah's birth, that day was my favorite. Waiting in that hanger with 300 other families, seeing the plane approach the airfield, and watching the wheels touch down. Standing only feet away from a sea of camo as the commander gave his final orders. And finally, finding Brandon and holding him like I'd never let go. Today I'll think of that and find my way back to the groove.

A few photos from his homecoming December 2008. Can't wait for our next homecoming!


  1. We are all so blessed to have soldiers like Brandon! I love you and hope you get back to your groove. You can always call us in the middle of the night with strange noises! :)

  2. Yes, so thankful for Brandon and you, and all that you both do! Love you lots, friend! Great pictures :)

  3. You're so strong! Thank God lil Eli is here now to keep you smiling too! :)